2015/2016 | 2014 | 2013 | Very old stuff


Speaking my mind

27 December 2013 - on the LNP's shocking first 100 days.

Dear Tony

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Ode to Tony

16 December 2013 - The original verse of this was circulating on Facebook and Twitter about this time so a friend and I added verse 2.

Ode to Tony

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No support when you need it

6 August 2013 - the fun side of fun runs!

This is a little ditty about support gone sadly wry,
a story about the day my boobs hung me out to dry.
I have two humps in front of me, I'll call them Left and Right,
they're mostly well supported, and usually out of sight.
This tale is of a day of woe when, unbeknownst to me,
Left and Right were making plans to escape, get out, be free!
That day I would be running (or walking, truth be told),
a local centre raising funds from all the tickets sold.
The day began as any day - awake, get up, get fresh.
I carefully dried my Left and Right and encased them in their mesh.
I stood before the mirror and admired my structured pair -
my more-than-ample cleavage (rather more than my fair share!)
I pulled a t-shirt on and down, covering my Left and Right,
and set in train their dastardly plans - out of mind when out of sight!
The race was started in the cold, my nipples stood alert -
the only warning I would get of plans made 'neath my shirt.
I set off at a steady jog, each step would cause a jolt,
but I was unconcerned, with Left and Right in their mesh vault.
Not far along I thought I heard - and felt - a little "ping".
It came from 'twixt my shoulder blades, it was the strangest thing!
Suddenly I understood the meaning of the sound -
my bra had popped and Left and Right were heading to the ground!
Have you ever tried to run with your arms crossed upon your chest?
Let me tell you, for ease and speed it's really not the best!
Now those of you who've had a similar tale that you can tell
will know that loose boobs flapping can really hurt like hell!
Each step was now an agony, I had to slow my pace,
as Left and Right took turns to try to slap me in the face.
I had no choice, I had to stop. My eyes looked madly round.
And there ahead I saw it - a portaloo I'd found!
I stepped inside with Left and Right now acting rather chaste,
just hanging there serenely, pointing to my waist.
I doffed my T and checked my bra - praise be! It wasn't broken!
I can't have hooked it properly - small mercies, a little token!
I captured Left and Right again, re-housed them with a wiggle.
I'm sure those two enjoyed my shame - I'm know I heard them giggle!
Off I set, determined - I was going to finish that race!
Albeit at a slower, more sedate kind of a pace.
I guess I can be thankful that they stayed beneath my T,
and didn't escape completely to bring more shame to me.
So that ,my friends, is my tale of woe, there's a moral to this story -
make sure your bra is done up tight or your boobs will get the glory!

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This thing in my head

6 August 2013 - on living with a brain aneurysm.

There's this thing in my head, my doc says it's small
But I know it's there so it doesn't feel small at all.

It's lying in wait, it could kill me you know -
Or I could grow old and it'll all be for show.

There's this thing in my head but no-one can say
If it's going to burst or be happy to stay.

Two CT scans now, an angiogram soon
I'm marching to the neuro guy's tune.

There's this thing in my head, I just want it out.
Do you think they'll move faster if I stand up and shout?

They gave me a brochure, it didn't say much
I've got heaps of questions about mortality and such.

There's this thing in my head but I've made up my mind
It's there, I can't change it, whatever they find.

My life is for living, I've so much to do
So this thing in my head - I'm ignoring you!

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15 April 2013 - things not improving.

A bundle of nerves, I
Jumping at the slightest sound
Anything you say can...
may be a trigger to upset me
I don't choose when and where
or even what
It just happens
Don't hold it against me
Emotions just under the surface, I
Ever trying to get out
Trickle down my cheeks at the most
inopportune moment
Excuse me while I wipe up
Keep a straight face
Smile... nothing is wrong, no
Nothing at all
Confused and alone, I
Cacophony of noise
not to my liking
Where is the music?
Where is the love?
What is love?
I don't know any more
Say hello or say goodbye

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Where to now?

13 April 2013 - gossip hurts.

Words cutting me like a knife
wounding, my soul bleeding
I don't know who I am
who I want to be
I can't endure their contempt
Have they walked where I am walking?
Do they know my pain?
Would they care?
Feel with me
share my hurt
or go from here
I don't need your judgment
I judge myself already
I want no past
I have no future
I am only of the present
Phusis, hypostasis
I am my own fundamental reality
Words cutting me like a knife
They don't understand
how could they?
Empathy doesn't hurt
yet it is rare, uncommon
The world enclosed in its own little shell
The inhabitants
singular, secluded, detached
I am ousia, substance and essence
Nothing more than a caryatid
carrying my own world
my own support
I thought I was out of tears
Yet still they come
unbidden, unwanted, unstoppable
I don't know who I am
who I want to be
Don't turn away
Where do I go from here?

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What's in it for me?

17 March 2013 - rules of the affair.

What's in it for me? You don't ask but I know
I've been there before, see what you try not to show

I shared my essence, my life, my core
It was never enough - they still wanted more

I'm in charge now, I'm making my point
At long last I'm in control of this joint

If love's not sufficient then go, close the door
But don't think I'll be left in a heap on the floor

It's my time to shine, I'm at the wheel
If you don't agree then sorry, no deal

You're welcome to come along for the ride
I'm happy to have you here at my side

You come on my terms, there's no compromise
If you lie I will know, it'll be in your eyes

Don't take me for granted, just treat me with care
Esteem is two way - I'll happily share

I'm learning to read, know the score, see the signs
I'll know if you try to cross over my lines

What's in it for me? That's my question now
I'm learning the answer, I've got the know-how

Listen to my feelings, show me respect
And I'll give you more than you'd ever expect

Talk, listen, touch, feel, freedom to be
The person I am, the person that's "me"

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Sing to the sky

17 March 2013 - The power of music and dance.

Another day down, mark it off, done and dusted
Living my life the way it was meant to be
A smile here, some laughter there, music
Always music
Dance, sing, dance some more
Open my heart and my arms and feel the joy
Listen for the bass, feel the rhythm
Smile at the sky, at the stars,
At the world
Night, cool and fresh on my skin
And silence all around but for the music in my head
No-one is there, don't feel insecure
Eight paws watching my every move
Looking out for me, keeping me grounded
My guardian angels
I am a caryatid, a female Atlas holding up my world
Pegasus is my companion
Together we soar to music unheard by all except the chosen
Dance with me my friend, join my private nightclub
Feel the beat, feel the rhythm of my heart
Listen and you will hear my music
Another day down, another day older and wiser
Learning my own intimate secrets
Music unlocking the doors in my head and my heart
Night that once brought tears now brings smiles
Reclaim my night
Reclaim my life, minute by minute
Smile at the stars
Dance, sing, dance some more
Sing to the sky

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Songs unsung

26 February 2013 - 6-degrees of separation and friends who never were.
(Published IOTBA)

Many years ago, in my youth, I thought I had some friends
but time would show that friendship dies but distrust and spite know no ends.
Turned out a workmate - let's call him B - got married to one of those girls.
Years later we met at a Christmas event - from there the saga unfurls.
Perhaps she was insecure but she didn't want me there.
She wasn't happy to acknowledge me - she made that very clear.
Again, more time passed, another scene, a dinner with new friends - not to be...
Yes, I know those names, say hello from me!
I've heard nothing since, maybe I should give up trying to
make friends with people who really don't care what I went through.
Is it right that I am judged by these suburban housewives
who have probably never put a foot wrong in their lives?
The distaste is palpable, I can feel it in the air -
I have no way to counter it - do they really think it's fair
to hold against me the mistakes I made when I was young?
I don't know their secrets - perhaps they have songs unsung.
Did I give up my rights so long ago? Was I the harbinger of my own doom?
What did I do wrong, really, apart from being the wrong gender in my mother's womb?
How come a man who sleeps around is called a stud but
a woman who does the same is labeled a slut?
I made mistakes when I was young - who doesn't when all's said and done?
Yet I am judged and found wanting - so many years ago but now my friends are none.
I've paid the price don't you think? Will you always be so cold?
I don't know your secrets - perhaps you have tales untold.

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25 February 2013 - for Lori - "Peace, Love and Purple".

I am growing roses in my mind - I think they will be purple
Purple, the colour of women
Women who must be strong in a wild world and smile at the odds
Odds so often against us

Roses in my mind grown from the ashes of my pain
Pain once thought too heavy to bear
Bear it now with serenity and grace and a smile
Smile because I am strong

Love is a dream so hard to capture in the bright light of day
Day brings an awareness
Awareness that strength and serenity come from deep within
Within the breast of woman

I am growing roses in my mind - yes, they will be purple
Purple, the colour of hope
Hope for a new me who will not compromise my spirit
Spirit soaring on a smile

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Time heals

20 February 2013 - on starting to move forward again.

When love leaves your life it's hard to smile
You might manage sometimes, but not all the while
Try to remember the good and get past the bad
Concentrate most on the happy times you had
But the hurt hangs around, set off by a word
A song or a sound or some gossip you've heard
And the tears are never far from your eye
So hard to stop, no matter how much you try
Time heals, we are told by well-meaning folk
But you feel like a bike wheel that's missing a spoke
You're flat in one spot - it's that spot you find
Most often returns to the front of your mind
So you find things to smile at to try to suppress
The hurt and the anger, the pain and the stress
One day you will know when the smile comes unaided
And you realise that the heartache has faded
That once, long ago, it was too hard to smile
But time does help you heal, it'll all be worthwhile

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Wondrous flower

17 February 2013 - putting words to a friends' dream.

I dreamt a wondrous flower once, I held it in my hand,
It represented all I wished was good throughout the land.
No hate, no war, no violent words, no cheats, no fakes, no lies,
Just people sharing hope and love with dance and joyful cries.

When I awoke my wondrous flower stayed within my night
But I had a vision of a world touched by this flower's light.
A reverend man once said we must be pulled by our dreams...
That's my motivation - it's not as crazy as it seems.

Dreams are our future, they can lead us to great highs
They conquer fear and transcend lows and teach us to be wise.
I dreamt a wondrous flower once, it glowed to light my way,
To turn me to a different path, to turn my night to day.

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15 February 2013 - on being unlucky in love.
(Published IOTBA)

Sitting here on my own feeling sorry for myself
Why is it my fate in life to be left upon the shelf?

I know my history plays a part - I trust way too much
I need caring, love, a hand to hold, someone's gentle touch.

But every time I let down my walls the hurt's not far away
And I'm on my own again, never seem to have a say.

Maybe I am destined to be on my own, an island hard to reach
With my walls intact, no bridge to cross, no footsteps on my beach.

Lessons learned the hard way, many years behind me
If there's happiness somewhere ahead it's something I can't see.

I'm tired of tears, tired of pain, tired of being sad
Tired feeling used and unworthy, tired of being had.

Who decides my fate, did I ever have a choice?
Does anyone ever listen unless I raise my voice?

Sitting here on my own feeling sorry for myself
Why is it my fate in life to be left upon the shelf?

I know my history plays a part - the nightmares are still there
All I need is love, a hand to hold, someone to really care.

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Someone else's life

9 February 2013 - not knowing who I was.

I've been someone else all my life
Mother, daughter, sister, wife

Never had my own ID
Never knew just who was me

Came close sometimes, but not quite there
No courage to seek out my fair share

Held back, held down, tormented soul
Hidden within my own black hole

Pile on the kindling, light the flame
I've only got myself to blame

Is there no reprieve from victimhood?
I know I must but don't think I could

Clouds in my head, tears in my eyes
Always smart but never wise

Why am I the invisible one?
Who gets it all while I get none?

I am a person, just like you
I'm worthy of a fair review

Don't ignore me, I'm right here
I'm not going to disappear

I've been yours, I've played your game
Now it's time to find my fame

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Too many years

17 January 2013 - memories of horror I can't forget.
(Published IOTBA)

Get on with life, no harm done,
you're not hurt - it was all in fun.
Don't you understand? My world changed that day.
You violated me, you took my freedom away.
Can't trust, can't move on, trapped in my nightmare.
Can't tell, memory block, don't cry, don't share.
One decade, two, three, four -
you must've forgotten by now, for sure!
Forgive and forget, just move along.
I can't, don't you see that? Is that really so wrong?
Why can't I be angry? You put me through hell
and gave me a future in this meaningless shell
while you carried on with your life -
probably even kids and a wife.
I've never felt valued, always second best,
and everything I did was always a test
which I failed, time and again.
Can't trust, can't move on, my life dominated by men.
You violated me, you took my freedom away.
I'll never think of bayonets in any other way.
Why did you think you could do that, what gave you the right
to treat my body with so much spite?
Did you think it was just some harmless game?
You did it yourselves - I'm not to blame.
I can't forgive, I can't forget,
the more years that pass the harder it gets
when I know you don't think of it, never crosses your days,
yet I live with it... always.
You five changed my life and not for good.
Do I want justice? Oh yes, if only I could.
Why can't I be angry? You took what was mine and left me with tears
that I've been crying for too many years.

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Not your typical femme

11 January 2013 - on feeling defiant.
(Published IOTBA)

Sorry I don't live up to your stereotype
Of what a woman should be
I've got stretch marks and baker's arms
Crooked teeth, a big nose
Sorry old chum... that's just me.
I'm not into high heels - I like all my bones
Tight jeans just ride up my crutch
You can stick your Brazilian
But I do pluck my brows
'Cos looking like Oscar just sucks.
I fire up quite quick, I can get rather loud
There's nothing quite like a debate
But I don't take too kindly
To being told what to do
And don't ever call me your "mate".
I like my house tidy, I don't like a mess
But if I make one at least it is mine
I'm nobody's maid
I have my own job
And I say what I do with my time.
I go to the gym, I dance, I sing loud
I'm annoying, I'm pithy, never twee
And if that gets your back up
Don't make it my fault
Like it or lump it... that's me.
So if you're looking for your typical femme
You'd better go find her elsewhere
'Cos this woman's not
From a "typical" mould
And guess what my friend - I DON'T CARE!

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